The Art of Surrender -- On and Off the Mat
There are a few catch phrases that I seem to use over and over again in my classes, and one of them is "surrender into the pose." In the Washington, D.C., area, surrender isn't a popular word. In general, people here are competitive and used to fighting their way through life. To many, surrender means giving up, rolling over, and letting the other guy win. But there's another way to think of it: Surrender doesn't mean giving up. It means accepting the situation and relaxing into it.
Say you have tight hips and your teacher leads you into Eka Pada Raja Kapotasana, the Pigeon Pose. Your senses are flooded with sensation because you're stretching muscles that are very tight and stiff. You don't want to feel those sensations, so you fight it. You clench your legs and hips in an effort not to feel. You hold the breath. Or you hear the teacher telling you to relax around the hips, so you clench your fists and tighten your brow and jaw instead. You're fighting the pose and inhibiting your body's ability to relax and open to the stretch. Your mind may be spinning around in a panic. But if you surrender -- if you accept the fact that this feels really intense but you are willing to be with it for a few moments and breathe into it -- something amazing happens. The body and mind relax. You let go of the clenching, the holding, the fighting and a softness washes over you. The muscles can actually start to relax. Stay with it for a while and you'll feel your body opening up in new places. The mind will settle down. If you keep up your practice you will find more space, more freedom in the body. You'll move differently ... you'll feel better.
Or say you have a co-worker who drives you crazy. This person snaps gum all day, talks loudly, goofs off while you work hard. You can't stand her, and every day the resentment and anger towards this person builds. You complain constantly about her -- both inwardly and to any friend who will listen. You wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how she irritated you again, how unfair it is that you have to put up with this. You are fighting reality. If you simply accept that this person is in your life and you have to work with her, something amazing will happen. The act of accepting will create a softness. You will relax into the situation and your mind will settle down. Instead of all the angst and inner turmoil, which can wreak havoc on your health, you will be in a place of calm, inner acceptance and from there you can figure out your options. It's important to note that acceptance doesn't mean taking whatever people dish out. You have the right to speak your truth and to insist on fair treatment. But you need to do this from a calm center, from a place of love. And acceptance takes you to that place. From your calm center you can objectively look at the situation:
1. Am I being fair? Is this true? Could I be overreacting?
2. If this is true, what are my options?
a. I could continue to ignore her and stew inside. (Don't pick this one!)
b. I could learn to live with everything and not let it bother me. (Can you?)
c. I could talk to her -- coming from a calm center, not a place of anger -- and ask her if she could please keep her voice down, etc. (Do this without an air of judgment.)
d. If she's really not pulling her weight I could talk to the boss. (If it's true, there's no need to feel guilty.)
e. I could quit my job. (Can you?)
Now you don't need to feel trapped or put upon. Surrendering to the situation has given you power. Just like surrendering to the hip opener: melting into it gives you power. You realize that you can use the breath to calm yourself. That by letting go, you receive much more than you could ever get by holding on.
Namaste!
Sandy Pradas
