"The angst of perfection will keep you from being present." These words were uttered by my teacher, Naresh Ron King, during my teacher training at Kripalu Center, and they've stayed with me throughout the years as I've watched students struggling to be "perfect." My experience as both a student and a teacher has lead me to a place where I'm trying to get people to stop struggling to become perfect and realize that they already are perfect.
When I'm leading students into a pose, we all go in the same way -- we all start with good, safe alignment. But we don't all end up in the same place. Take trikanasana (triangle pose) for example. Some students will have a classic magazine-cover pose. Others will have to bend their front knee a little bit, and some will have to stand up a little taller than their neighbors. But they are all legitimate postures and they're all beautiful, and more importantly they are all receiving the same benefits -- everyone is experiencing a stretch, an infusion of energy and oxygen, increased focus, and a quieting of the mind. But every now and then someone is disturbed by this allowance for differences and I hear, "But I want to do it right." Or even, "That guy over there isn't doing it right. You should say something to him."
But how can everyone's posture look the same when our bodies are not the same? Our muscles are of different lengths, strengths, and degrees of flexibility. Our connective tissue varies in pliability. Even our bones are different. We were not manufactured in a factory -- one person's femur can be longer than another person's ... the head of the femur can be in a different shape or place ... there can be cracks, breaks, protrusions, different amounts of connective tissue wrapped around the joints, etc. While continued practice over time can change the quality of our muscles and connective tissue, there's not much we can do about our bones. We are all unique and must allow for our uniqueness (and the uniqueness of each other) when we practice.
I know that there are schools of yoga that insist on perfection. I first started my yoga practice at home by watching video tapes. I had no mirror in the room and no teacher -- I just felt my way through it and it felt really good. I was getting stronger and more flexible, but more importantly I enjoyed the way I felt inside. I felt so connected -- so clean -- so whole. I realized that the purpose of yoga was to use the body to make inner changes. All of these crazy postures force us to focus, which helps to tame the mind. When the mind is quiet, we gain insight and we can open to Spirit.
I was very excited the first time that I went to a real yoga studio. It was a well-advertised studio, and my expectations were high. But it didn't go very well. My down dog did not meet the teacher's expectations of perfection. My hamstrings were extremely tight, so if I straightened my legs, my back wasn't straight, and if I straightened my back I had to bend my knees. This seemed to really bother her. She kept coming around to fix me. I couldn't relax or have an inward focus because she kept drawing my attention to my imperfection and was physically pushing and pulling on my body. Apparently my posture really annoyed her because finally she told me to bend my knees, then she laid on my back with all her weight, and with all of her weight on me, told me to straighten my legs. I didn't think this sounded like a good idea, but I was inexperienced and she was a teacher in a real yoga studio, so I did as she said. I heard the horrible sound of both knees blowing out, and I was unable to do yoga or much of any exercise for a good 3 months. I was angry with her but really disappointed with myself for not listening to my body and allowing her to do that to me. Needless to say, I didn't go back, but it wasn't the last time that a teacher hurt or harassed me with overzealous adjustments. I have friends who've had teachers stand on their thighs to make their knees go down, and one who's teacher actually used a whip to keep the students aligned!
After this experience I found an exuberant teacher named Joan Smith who taught a high-energy vinyasa flow class near my home. She told us not to worry about getting the postures perfect -- that if we kept practicing our bodies would eventually figure it all out. I found it to be true. I had a pretty decent-looking triangle posture. But after a year or so of practice, one day I had an incredible opening in that posture. It looked pretty much the same, but I was able to find subtle ways of stretching and opening from the inside that made a huge difference in my experience of the pose.
Once I found Kripalu yoga, I really got into the notion of working from the inside out and being with your body exactly as it is -- and meeting students exactly where they are. We are ok as we are -- part of our problem is the endless striving to achieve more, to be different, to be better -- to be anything except what we really are right now. But a funny thing happens: Once you drop the angst of perfection and allow yourself to be present with what is, something opens up. You can achieve more spaciousness in body and mind and open to spirit. Your practice will deepen and become more rich. Your postures will improve, but by this point in your practice you'll realize that it's not the most important thing. The point of yoga is to use the body to get to higher ground -- to tame the mind, to be able to see ourselves as we really are, and to open to a higher level of being. When you're in a posture, don't worry so much about how you look. How do you feel? Are you working at your edge -- a good stretch without pain? Do you feel an inner alignment? Is there some little micro-movement that will help you open up from the inside out? Is the breath flowing, the mind focused? Can you feel the prana moving inside you? Prana moving inside you -- now that's exciting. That's what it's all about...
Namaste!
Sandy Pradas